Defuse Expectations to Conquer Anger

Technique Defuse spelled DPHEWES

Intention - to achieve an optimum sense of well-being

Description - the following acronym is helpful in overcoming client's irrational "should's" "musts" and "ought's"

D - Don't place demands on yourself, others or the world. Demands in self-talk are expressed by terms "I must" or "he should."

P - Prioritize, plan, subdivide into achievable goals, and then do them (one at a time)

H - Humor yourself and others: take life less seriously

E - Exude relaxed calmness using REBT techniques and calmly accept on unpleasant reality every day of your life

W - Work on bad moods and challenge irrationalities and do your necessary tasks

E - Establish a routine to tackle problems

S - Shun words "should" "must" and "have to" when used in the sense of being a demand

REBT - is a semantic therapy. That is even though it is quite correct to say that all the signs indicate it should rain tomorrow, it is quite illegitimate to say you should be able to get the highest score on this test.

A better way is to be more accurate: "If I study harder than anybody else, and know more than they do, I will probably receive a high score on the exam. If nobody is extraordinary, neither lucky nor a genius, I may even get the highest score." We must change our beliefs so that we do not expect things of others or ourselves.

Technique Changes in beliefs

Intention - to improve positive inner beliefs

Description - try to choose a behavior that you would like to change about yourself. Focus on positive thinking and try to create some positive inner beliefs that feel right for you.

Repeat and Recite - Repeat your inner positive belief up to 10 times daily.

Write - write your positive inner belief on paper and review it often.

Picture your positive inner belief as though it is occurring. Picture and feel what it would be like letting go of your negative beliefs.

Visualize yourself enjoying a successful future. Treat the positive inner belief as something true.

Steps to managing stress effectively

Intention - to improve inner well-being

Description - Your goal is to reduce stress by recognizing your feelings. You will need to identify your feelings and give yourself permission to express those feelings.

1. Work off your stress - do some exercises or some physical workouts to work off your stress. Studies show that physical exercise is the most effective way to reduce stress.

2. Talk about your feelings with others - share your feelings with a person that you can trust so that you don't take on the load by yourself. Talk about your feeling of stress. Others tend to have the ability at times to help you see your problems more clearly.

3. Accept the things you cannot change - when you spend hours, days, nights, etc worrying about things that are out of your control, you set yourself up for pitfalls. Learn to accept the things you cannot change. Acknowledge that you make mistakes and that some things are out of your control.

4. Avoid self-medicating drugs and alcohol. You have the natural ability to cope with stress but you have to study to find that ability. Using alcohol or drugs to self-medicate only adds to your problems.

5. Proper rest - Plan some time in your daily schedule to give your body and mind rest.

6. Take time to do a kind act for others - helping others can help you take your mind off your own problems for a short time.

7. Take baby steps to wellness - try to avoid taking on too much or more than your mind and body can handle.

8. Admitting your mistakes - it is OK to admit when you are wrong. It gives your body and mind time to relax. Don't stress yourself out trying to be right all the time.

9. Open the door to others. Spending too much time in self-pity or feeling sorry for you builds stress. Allow others into your life so that you can reduce stress.

Help is available online - use the links below to learn more or to take a test.