Tell us your story about Borderline

Postby vikkib3 » Fri Mar 25, 2011 12:22 am

I can't believe there are people out there that feel the same way as me, I thought I was on my own with this one! It still does not help though as anyone close to me has no idea.
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Postby jasony2 » Fri May 13, 2011 7:48 pm

What did you first understand you have borderline?
How does it show?
What are the worst parts?
What do you do to make it better? Do you have any tips?

I first had an inkling that I had borderline after a few sessions of therapy when I really started to research my symptoms. At the time I was extremely emotional, blamed what I was going through on my mother and my past and everyone but myself. I was feeling very, what I now know as, disassociated with my body and just all in all very crazy. The funny thing is that I had studied psychology in college, have been working with children for most of my life, and until recently, considered myself very social and very happy. It started to reveal itself to me when I would easily get agitated and socially anxious. When I found myself running from situations regularly and avoiding so much. I think the first 24 years of my life, I had been on a crazy social high where I would bounce around from friend and groups of friends to friend that way I would never really have to get to know anybody, especially myself. It shows now days when I am in a social situation and have to use so much energy to stay present, to remind myself that theres no threat of anything here, and when I find myself agreeing with anything anybody says or acting like everything's ok and lose myself. I know its there mostly when I lose myself as a real person. The worst parts are feeling like im disrespecting myself, being disingenuous with myself and the people that I know I love, but don't know how to feel I love, and not knowing what feelings and relationships are real and what are just the bpd. To make it better, I work to stay present, I tell myself that I am a real person, I catch myself when I'm lying to myself (and others), I let myself cry and ask myself what is the root of this, I research, I try to stay task oriented, I read quotes, I try to listen, really listen, and I sometimes I make light of my emotions by exaggerating them till I get over them. The worst worst part is wondering if I'll ever feel myself. When I think that, I try to use radical acceptance and remind myself that whatever I am right now is who I am and every step forwards is all good. Its hard. I don't know how to talk to my girlfriend about it because I'm afraid itll scare her away. I don't know how to talk to anybody about it. I feel like to best serve myself I need to keep it mine and so people accept me for who I am regardless of what I know to be my diagnosis. I stop myself from victimization speech too.
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My Story

Postby nancyb8 » Sat Jul 09, 2011 12:29 am

I was adopted at the age of 4 weeks in 1966. I just grew up knowing I was adopted, I don't remember any "epiphany". My baby picture shows me smiling, bright eyed, I look genuinely happy in it. Then, for the rest of my life, it has been downhill. In and out of counseling, this diagnosis, that diagnosis, this medication, that medication, denial. I started lying in 3rd grade about random things, so other kids would listen to me or like me or find me "cool". That has never stopped and lying is second nature to me now. I don't even know the truth. Then came the promiscuity, spending money I didn't have, lying to get money to spend, shoplifting and writing bad checks. My parents would bail me out and I would just go right back into the same hole, as I still do today. I am 45 years old and I have had enough! Failed relationships, no friends, I feel excluded, disliked and I hurt everyday. I still can't stop spending money, lying to my mate about money, spending, not paying bills, i have terrible credit. Most of the people at work think I have accomplishments that I never really did, like graduating college, I never went to college, but they all think I did.
It is time I accept that I have a core problem and nothing I do will fix the things above until I address it. I am full of remorse, regret and guilt for wasting my life and living it so recklessly, always on the edge.
I have had enough, I want to change, I just don't know how!
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Re: Tell us your story about Borderline

Postby helenc4 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:43 pm

admin wrote:We can all learn much from each other. So, in this thread we ask you all to tell us your story.

What did you first understand you have borderline?
How does it show?
What are the worst parts?
What do you do to make it better? Do you have any tips?

Feel free to write anything that comes up in your mind.


I learned of my BPD through my brother who also has it. Hearing his symptoms I thought wow me too.

I preemptively rejected numerous people. I routinely mind read and took on other's "emotions" as my own. And yes I bought many expensive gifts hoping to get a loving response. Now I realize I was manipulating with gifts and money.

Doing the work sheets are very useful because they help express and then analize destructive thought patterns. The therapy also helped to identify triggering events that bring out my BPD. When triggered now I can evaluate the inferences and assumptions and calm myself down.

I know I will continue to have BPD but with baby steps of its management its not going to be running the show anymore.
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My story

Postby amyt11 » Fri Nov 18, 2011 2:52 pm

I am new to this site and just got out of a relationship that was extremely painful. My BPD caused me to push this man away. He was so in love with me at first and slowly he made it through 3 episodes of my freakiness, then he finally decided he had enough after this last time. I can't understand how my mind can take over like this. I am still dealing with the pain that someone could be so in love with me and just end it like that. This illness starts with low self esteem and then creates more bad self esteem as a result of my reactions to it. I am still trying to build myself back up. I have a very successful career, engineering degree, nice home, people say i am beautiful, i am 38 and still single. I run every single man away. This time finally made me realize that I need to do something. All i have right now is hope. And I am trying to love myself again, despite the fact that the man of my dreams just left me because he thinks i am crazy.
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