I was adopted at the age of 4 weeks in 1966. I just grew up knowing I was adopted, I don't remember any "epiphany". My baby picture shows me smiling, bright eyed, I look genuinely happy in it. Then, for the rest of my life, it has been downhill. In and out of counseling, this diagnosis, that diagnosis, this medication, that medication, denial. I started lying in 3rd grade about random things, so other kids would listen to me or like me or find me "cool". That has never stopped and lying is second nature to me now. I don't even know the truth. Then came the promiscuity, spending money I didn't have, lying to get money to spend, shoplifting and writing bad checks. My parents would bail me out and I would just go right back into the same hole, as I still do today. I am 45 years old and I have had enough! Failed relationships, no friends, I feel excluded, disliked and I hurt everyday. I still can't stop spending money, lying to my mate about money, spending, not paying bills, i have terrible credit. Most of the people at work think I have accomplishments that I never really did, like graduating college, I never went to college, but they all think I did.
It is time I accept that I have a core problem and nothing I do will fix the things above until I address it. I am full of remorse, regret and guilt for wasting my life and living it so recklessly, always on the edge.
I have had enough, I want to change, I just don't know how!