Learning How to Cope with Anger Effectively to Manage Stress

Negative emotions build up negative energy, which results in stress. With these stressors, we have to weaken their power in order to take control of our emotions and not allow others to get to us to the point we become stressed. The key to reducing stress is building self-control. Acceptance is the first step to overcoming stressors that hold you back. When you can accept a problem, it becomes a realization, and then you can move to find solutions to resolve your conflicts.

In order to max out on our ability to take control of our actions, thoughts and mind we must process the internal emotions to see how other people might feel. We need to use empathy to solve conflicts.

Observe - In this worksheet, we would like you to observe someone's behaviors and actions that disturb you. Write on a piece of paper how you feel about this behavior. What emotional responses did you show? Write out what you would like to see changed about this person. Try to find solutions to resolve the issues. Look for alternatives to solve the conflict.

Practice

Now, take a moment to observe what you think the other person is saying or doing. Consider how this person must feel. Try to list feelings that you think this person is exeriencing. Decide if you need to verify that what you perceive about this person is true. Come to an understanding by using your reflection skills. In other words, put yourself in that person's shoes. Imagine yourself behaving in the same way and think about how you would feel.

Sometimes when we have conflicts with others, heated remarks are spoken. During this time, we can take control of the situation by toning it down. In order to defuse a conflict or potential conflict, we have to take action. Once a person becomes angered or emotionally under stress, they often use terms or words that upset others. When emotions take over, it helps to use neutral words to explain what you want to say.

Using imagery, we ask that you visualize the situation below. Read the content, examine the problem and explore possible ways to solve the conflict.

Story

Erica is upset with Mark. Mark made a comment in public that made Erica feel embarrassed. Erica screams, "You idiot. You make me sick. How dare you act so stupid? You never make good decisions."

Practice

Find a solution to restate this conflict so that it tones down the heated emotions and remarks. For example, "I feel upset with you, Mark. You completely embarrassed me in the public."

When we use "I feel..." in expressing our feelings instead of "You..." it tones down the heated situation. In heated situations, we always want to maintain control of our actions. It is responsible and mature to stay in control. Thus, state - "I am in control of my behaviors." Repeat that up to 10 times daily until you fully understand it. Now repeat - "I choose how I behave..." do the same repeating it ten times daily until you understand it. Now state - Peace comes from within, and I am in charge of my choices." Repeat it ten times daily until you understand it.

In order to become in control of your emotions, you must be willing to recognize your feelings. You must be willing to accept them, take action to stop, think, prepare, solve problems, plan, evaluate consequences from your behaviors; identify alternatives and invite them in: you must also learn how to use imagined successes versus insults, choose the best alternative for you to express your feelings and negotiate with others. You must be able to express your anger or other emotions in a useful manner.

Quieting Response (QR) relaxation technique

Discover - In this worksheet, we would like you to take time to think about a time when you became angry at someone. On a piece of paper, write out what you were angry about. Recognize your anger. Accept those emotions and feelings. Now, use the Quieting Response (QR) relaxation technique to take control of your anger. The QR is, in other words, to stop, think and prepare a solution to solve the problem. Make a plan while evaluating the consequences of your anger. Identify alternatives and allow yourself to challenge them. Rather that insulting others when you are angry, use the imagined successes to find other ways to express your feelings. For example, "I feel..."

Practice

Make a good decision on the best way for you to express your feelings and negotiate with others without expressing inappropriate anger. Express your anger appropriately and in a useful way.

When we stop to think about the situation, often we find that problems can be solved. Each person has their own problems or even the same problems, but they may view them in different ways. When two people engage in a heated argument, often it is because: 1. The person has set high expectations on the other person they did not meet: 2. A selfish inclination drives them to argue over something that another person did, said or did not do. 3. Unrevealed conflicts are occurring in one or both individual's mind that blinds them. 4. Roadblocks are preventing one or the other from seeing outside of the box, often because two different opinions, notions or ideas are in view.

Other reasons can make us angry, but the above is some of the top reasons. Yet, if we are in control, no-one can make us angry enough to behave immaturely. We can enhance our relationships with others by learning to identify the roadblocks that interfere with our communication and understanding. When a person is able to brainstorm new ideas to find alternatives to solve problems, they become effective communicators with less stress.

Summary

In this session, we offered you tools that you can use to reduce stress. We recommend that you adhere to those steps daily for the best results. It is up to you to take control of your stress; no-one can do it for you. By following the advice in this guide, however, you should, by now, have a plan for managing your stress. Finally, we are going into session 8, where you will learn effective ways to use helpful stress and stress reduction tactics to manage harmful stress.

Help is available online - use the links below to learn more or to take a test.