REA Therapy to Manage Stress

Bringing the different parts of our personality into harmony can help us stop building up inner conflicts that cause us to respond or behave negatively. Often when we have conflicts within ourselves, it is because of misconceptions that lead us into assuming or offering opinions that has no supporting facts to verify they are true. We may argue with ourselves for years and part of the reason is because most people, once they feel this conflict occurring, will retreat, ignore the issue or else combat the feeling. What are occurring here are subliminal thoughts that lie beneath the surface of our conscious mind. In this area rests hidden messages from our past events, learning and experiences. Only when we allow them out will our problems go away. Therefore, the next time you feel stressed due to jumbled thoughts you cannot put together, instead of retreating, ignoring or combating the feeling, let it go.

Let your mind open up to reveal hidden messages that present answers to your questions. In the meantime, take control of your emotions. If you have problems with anger, or you are in some kind of relationship with someone that has anger problems, it will cause stress. While you cannot change others or control how they behave, you can change you and control your emotions.

When personalities separate, it is known as bipolarities, i.e. splits in the personality. When both sides of your personality unite, you become more aware and focused. This involves becoming aware of your expectations of yourself and others, as well as the mixed feelings you may have toward yourself or other people.

Thus, building awareness will help you bring your personality into harmonization.

Appreciation and resentment

Write - Consider three people you know. For each person, create a list of what you resent about them, what you expect from them, and what you appreciate about them. Think of one thing that causes you stress that you would like for each of these people to change.

Now, process how to feel appreciation and resentment at the same time. Learn how to become aware of mixed emotions or feelings. Learn how to integrate any opposing thoughts or feelings.

Sometimes our friends, family, or partners in relationships will say things that upset us. In order to cope with hurtful words that others express, we have to build solutions that help us to maintain our composure while the conflict is occurring. Keep in mind that when others get to us, they are in control and getting what they want. Yet, when someone does not get to us so easily, you stay in control, and they are more open-minded to consider what you want.

To help you learn how to maintain your composure, perform the steps in the worksheet below:

REA Activity

REA Activity - State what you resent, e.g. "I resent that you never keep your promises"; what you expect, e.g., " I expect you to stop telling me you will do something and then don't do it at all. Keep your word, or don't make promises you cannot keep." Now state what you appreciate about the person, e.g. "You are a good friend, and I appreciate that you and I both enjoy doing some of the same things together."

Practice

Now sit down and think about the other person for a moment. Try to consider how the other person feels and where they are coming from. Try to think about this person's feelings. Ask, "What would you like to know…" Study the other person's expressions, body language, actions and words during the conflict and state clearly, "You seem like you are upset about something from what I see and hear…" "What I understand you're saying is this…".

Next, stay in control by allowing the person to state his/her feelings. Try to avoid getting upset if the person says something you did not want to hear. If the person is unwilling to express his/her thoughts calmly, and you see that the situation is getting out of control, politely, turn and walk away. Do not speak. If you find it hard to walk away, remain quiet during the conversation. When you are able to talk calmly again, just tell the person "we will discuss this later."

Some situations or conflicts cannot be resolved immediately. In those cases, you have to walk away and come back at another time. If someone makes you unnervingly angry, you can build coping skills to help you manage anger successfully. Since anger causes stress, it is important to learn how to keep your anger under control. For that reason, we offer you steps to coping with anger.

Coping with Anger Technique

Counseling intention: help the client to maintain composure and self-control.

Description: the first thing you will need to do is to accept your emotional arousal and try to assess your personal condition (accept that you are upset). Secondly, pause to collect yourself and try to gain your composure through a relaxation response (counting from one to 10). Third, think about your choices of emotional expression. Fourth, do something to express the emotional tension.

Write - record your choices, emotional expressions, and tension you experienced from the coping with anger technique. How did it affect you? What did you think about? How did you react?

Summary

We have worked through some techniques to help you come to grips with emotions that cause stress from dealing with others. We helped you with developing anger coping skills, interpersonal skills and conflict resolution skills. Make it a habit to practice these steps every day. Now it is time to learn how to assume responsibility for your actions and choices to manage stress.

Help is available online - use the links below to learn more or to take a test.