Reconstructing your Mind
Now it is time to discover your self-defeating thoughts. Move to positive thinking by following some simple rules to reconstruct your thinking by using cognitive therapy approaches.
Recall a time when you felt dizzy, heart palpitations or other symptoms emerging from your social phobia. What was the first thought that developed in your mind? Think about thoughts that emerged before, during and after the event.
For the next two weeks record any self-defeating thoughts that develop before, during, and after your social phobia attacks. After two weeks, go over your notes and assess any self-defeating thoughts carefully. Analyze the illogical reasons you used to conclude your evaluation of yourself or what you thought others were thinking about you.
Where were you when these thoughts started to develop? Take time to record your thoughts before, during, and after your experiences.
After you return in two weeks, consider some coping thoughts that help you to think positively instead of negatively. Your goal is to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. You will need to practice and apply yourself to reconstructing your thinking habits. You can use either imaginary exercises or role-play.
You can use your imagination to help you reconstruct your thought patterns. Using your imagination, visualize yourself as someone special. Think about your strengths and consider how you could use them to benefit you.
Brief overview about role-play exercises
Imaginary exercises are used in therapys by asking the patient to make believe or invent someone in their mind to act as them. Once you configure the imaginary character that plays your part, you start to imagine yourself as someone else. You would then create a storyline and make it a game to help you pretend that you are someone else. You can be anyone you want to be. The imaginary person should represent you. Don’t judge the person; rather, let that person be who they are. During the session, you would note how the person interacts with you. Note any behaviors that appear out of the ordinary. Take many notes when you notice behaviors that hinder that person from socializing. The behaviors that hinder you are the exact behaviors we need to reconstruct.
Reconstructing your Thinking
Now, we can consider some of your self-defeating thoughts. Think about how those thoughts hold you back from meeting other people. When you meet someone new do you think to yourself – “She/he will not like me, I am not good enough for that person”?
Use some positive persuasion to help you reconstruct your negative thinking. Rather than say I am not good enough, say, “I am a good person; I bet he/she will be delighted to get to know me”.
Use affirmatives often – instead of saying “I am not sure how to interact with people”, say, “I can ask questions and learn how to interact”. Asking questions is the key to becoming acquainted with other people and it is the start to building a relationship with others. Now complete the worksheet below.
Restructuring Your Thinking
As humans, we can manipulate ourselves by sticking to distorted beliefs that cause us harm. It is up to us and we all have the ability to transform those self-defeating thoughts that causes negative behaviors to emerge, to defeat them once and for all. To help you reconstruct your thinking we can use the imaginary exercise as described previously in this guide.
Imagine someone sitting across the room from you in a chair. Picture the imaginary character as you. During this session, you can be anyone you choose to be. Once you have your characters in place, create your storyline. Pretend that your imaginary friend has a social phobia and fears his or her interaction with you. Notice your character’s behaviors, actions, etc. without being judgmental.
Watch how the person interacts with you. Note any behaviors that appear out of the ordinary. Take notes at what time you notice any behaviors that cause the person to experience symptoms from his or her social phobia. The behaviors that hinder your imaginary friend are the exact behaviors we need to reconstruct.
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