Using Conflict Mediations with Conflict Resolution Strategies to Manage Stress

When conflicts develop, our level of thinking elevates, which can cause stress. By allowing the stress to take over, it diminishes our ability to see outside of the box and make positive decisions. People who have lived inside of abusive homes, lived with alcoholics, drug addicts, etc., are more prone to see conflicts as negative or destructive tools that cause stress. People who have encountered traumatic situations or suffered from conflicts will do one of two things: 1. they will retaliate and become aggressive, or 2. they will retreat, ignoring the problems. Learning when conflict is destructive can help you make better choices.

Destructive Conflicts

Below is a list of destructive conflicts:

1. When problems remain and new coping behaviors do not exist due to you not making decisions to resolve the conflict it is a destructive conflict; 2. When your focus is diverted to the problem and not on what you need to accomplish it is a destructive conflict;
3. When morale (self-esteem and confidence) is destroyed, it is a destructive conflict;
4. If poor conceptions are promoted, it is a destructive conflict;
5. When family or friends are divided even further, it is a destructive conflict.

Constructive Conflicts

Conflicts do not always have to be destructive. In some instances, conflicts are incentives that inspire us to take action to accomplish a particular goal.

See the examples below of constructive conflicts:

1. When a conflict develops and the result lead to everyone getting involved, it is a good conflict;
2. When information is shared, and discussion is opened up that result in verifying or clarifying information, it is a good conflict;
3. When alternative choices become apparent, it is a good conflict;
4. When it releases negative thoughts, emotions, stress, and anxiety it is a good conflict;
5. When cohesiveness escalates, it is a good conflict;
6. When people grow and are able to apply knowledge they learned from conflicts, it is a good conflict.

In our next CBT session, we will learn how DESC scripts can help you develop skills to improve your ability to handle conflicts effectively. In the meantime, please complete the following worksheet:

Consequences that results from conflicts

Pick Two - think of two conflicts that you encountered recently. In the worksheet, write out what happened, what resulted from the conflict. Try to choose two conflict situations in which one is constructive and the other destructive. Compare both conflicts; list the consequences that results from the conflicts. How did you handle the situation?

Practice - Challenge your conflict resolution skills

Next, we will help you challenge your conflict resolution skills. Think about something you want to address that has not yet been discussed. Perhaps it may be a feeling, action or something you want to do but have not been able to ask your parents, partner, friend, etc. Take action, go to the person and describe, express, specify and state what consequences may result from what you want accomplished. Speak to the person calmly.

Now, we ask that you write out what occurred resulting from your practice. Record any behaviors or spoken words that affected you. State clearly how it affected you. Why did it affect you? How did you handle the situation? Were you able to come to an agreement with the other person involved in the conflict?

The more you practice using constructive conflict techniques, the easier it will become for you to manage stress and handle conflicts at any level.

Summary

In this previous CBT session, we ask you to complete some practices and worksheets. You were introduced briefly to DESC scripts, which are useful in helping you to deal with conflicts, build constructive conflict skills and reduce stress. Now it is time to move into the next session, where we will learn more about DESC and how to use DESC scripts to help you learn how to deal effectively with conflicts. You will be able to build interpersonal skills, deal with relationship problems and reduce stress, anxiety etc., after practicing the DESC scripts.

Help is available online - take the test to see if we can help you: