Monthly Archives: November 2013

Useful tips: Personality development

Hi Folks! Hope you have read my previous blog post on “Know yourself: Your Personality”. So, were you able to recognize your personality style? I guess most of you would have done it correctly. Personality is one of the striking features of human existence and life. Without it, life would be like a flightless bird…no essence or meaning in anything at all.

I have seen many parents trying hard to shape the personalities of their children in the best possible way we can. Sometimes I find this fascinating and sometimes I feel like making them understand the dynamics of personality too. Personality is not something that is solely and wholly predisposed, a varied number of factors tend to influence it. Intrauterine phase, upbringing, environment, coping skills, social circles, learning, etc. Everything around us play a vital role in shaping our personality.

Here are some of the key points to be kept in mind while working towards personality development:

1)    Have a vision: How you want to be, how you want to be looked at, where you want to reach in your life. It is really important to have a vision. Only then personality development can be possible at the first place. Without it you would be like a straw in the storm, not knowing where to go.

2)    Following a right ideal: Ideally each and every one of us is unique. You cannot be like me; I cannot be like you…we all are different and unique. Having the right ideal is important so that you can get a direction of how an ideal personality should be. However, simply aping or mimicking an ideal may be fatal as it may curb your own originality. Learn from others but maintain your uniqueness as well.

3)    Be consistent: When you start working towards personality development try to be consistent. For eg: You cannot be like Bill Clinton one day and Steve Jobs the other. Try to have a stable personality that is predictable, well-organized and well-defined.

4)    Your dressing sense, lifestyle, habits, manners and disposition also play a vital role. For appropriate dressing follow the LOC Formula. That is Location-Occasion-Company. Where you are going, what is the occasion and what kind of people would be there. So based on this your clothes should be chosen.

5)    One of the fallacies done in personality development is when you try to be so stubborn in it. Things will happen in their own course and time. Do not rush on things. Take small steps forward and celebrate even the smallest accomplishments.

Many a times, we also see some people with personality disorders. These occur due to faulty coping mechanisms, faulty learning, faulty parenting, chemical disturbances, etc. Here are some of the common personality disorders:

1)    Self-Defeating Personality Disorder:

Symptoms: Reject attempt by others to help, undo positive experience by feeling depressed, provoke rejection from others, avoid pleasure, deny feelings, failure to take care of tasks, avoiding relating with caring people, doing excessive sacrifice even when not requested.

2)    Sadistic Personality Disorder:

Symptoms: Dominate relations with violence, humiliating others in public, taking pleasure in others’ suffering, treating others harshly, being fascinated by weapons, limiting autonomy of others.

3)    Antisocial Personality Disorder:

Symptoms: History of illegal or socially disapproved behavior before the age of 15, irritability and aggressiveness, disregard for truth, harming others, addiction to drugs or alcohol, rejection of authority, harsh behavior.

Other forms of personality disorders include borderline personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and so on. If at any point of time you or anyone related to you feel that there is some maladaptive change in personality, do not suppress it or hide it. Instead try to seek professional help. With strategic interventions personality disorders can be rectified so that an individual can lead a fulfilling life.

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

Know yourself: Your personality

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Are you a happy-go-lucky person or do you hardly smile? Are you a perfectionist or you can adjust yourself to any situation? Do you like to socialize or do you like to spend time in your own cocoon?

Personality is the entire totality of who you are. It describes you and is the backbone of your life as a whole: your tastes/preferences, likes/dislikes, present conditions/future behavior and so on. Let us see what your personality type is and what does it say about you:

1)    Are you serious and quiet?

2)    Do you find yourself dependable, responsible and thorough?

3)    Are concentration, hard-working nature your strengths?

4)    Do you like to accomplish tasks on time?

5)    Are you a perfectionist and well-organized?

6)    Are you quiet and reserved?

7)    Are you always interested in knowing how and why things work?

8)    Do you have excellent skills with mechanical things?

9)    Are you a risk-taker and live for the moment?

10) Are you uncomplicated in your desires?

11) Do you find yourself quiet, kind and conscientious?

12) Are you extremely intuitive towards people and concerned for their feelings?

13) Are you more individualistic rather than leading or following?

14) Are you quietly forceful?

15) Do you have a well-developed value system and would stick to it at any cost?

16) Are you reflective, idealistic and love to serve humanity?

17) Are you extremely loyal?

18) Can you easily adapt to different situations?

19) Are you mentally quick and can see all possibilities with ease?

20) Do you find yourself creative, mostly with writing?

21) Do the words independent, analytical, original and determined words fit you best?

22) Do you have an extraordinary quality of transforming theories into actions?

23) Do you have a well-defined knowledge base, value system, competence and structure?

24) Do you have high standards for performance and completion of task?

25) Do you consider yourself as a born-leader?

26) Are you friendly, adaptable and action-oriented?

27) Would you consider as one who is focused on immediate results?

28) Do you mostly live in the here-and-now perspective?

29) Do long explanations often make you impatient?

30) Are you overly loyal to your peers?

Let’s take a ride through your answers now. Have a look into the table below:

Questions 1-5 mostly answered Yes……………The duty – fulfiller personality

Questions 6-10 mostly answered Yes………….The wonderful mechanic personality

Questions 11-15 mostly answered Yes………..The protector personality

Questions 16-20 mostly answered Yes………..The nurturer personality

Questions 21-25 mostly answered Yes……….The scientist personality

Questions 26-30 mostly answered Yes……….The doer personality

So this was a layout of common personality styles. Some other personality types are: The thinkers, guardians, performers, care-givers, the inspirer and so on. Human personality is multi-faceted and dynmic too.

The way you are born and brought up, the situations and environment rotating around you, your own experiences and belief systems…all these factors play a vital role in shaping up the way you are today. Personality theorists have found more than 1000 styles of personalities. Gradually they were grouped and put in sync. Personality is the most fascinating feature of a person. It defines you as a person and also defines the way you will be accepted in the society.

Personality malfunctioning occurs when there are personality deficits or faulty coping systems. Other than that there are specific personality disorders too. Keep reading my next blog to know more about the development of personality, personality distortions and management.

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

10 Steps to a Happy and Healthy Life

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  1. Love yourself as the most faithful lover and develop your potentialities as if you were your own fiercest mentor.
  2. Do not compare yourself with others. Believe in yourself and believe in the fact that no one else can take your place in the entire world.
  3. Make peace with your past. Unless and until you keep on clinging with your past you can never move forward in your life.
  4. Respect and treat others the way you would like to be respected and treated. If you spread some smiles you will surely get some smiles back and vice versa.
  5. Truthfulness, honesty, sharing, caring nature, genuineness may seem difficult to practice. However, these are the sure shot ways of attracting success and happiness towards you.
  6. Even if your life is jam-packed with work load and responsibilities, try to find out some time for yourself, some time to meditate and pamper yourself.
  7. Learn good things from others but be sure to beat your own drums and carve out your own path.
  8. Always welcome challenges with a smile. Do not let your fears and apprehensions overpower you. These are just illusions. You never know how the situation or result will be unless you work on it or give your best shot.
  9. Accept your mistakes like a small child, with all honesty. Rectify and learn from your mistakes like a mature minded intellectual.
  10. Live and let live. Accept things from the world and never step back in lending or sharing them too.

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

Failure: The Stepping Stone to Success

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Hi Folks! Have you ever tasted the flavor of failure in your life? I had confronted a massive failure in my life. I failed in an entrance exam of a renowned university for the Doctoral Studies. The humiliation, negative experiences, taunts from my relatives ann friends, that I had to fear was the worst part of my life. Failures in academics, relationships, profession, interviews, competitions, etc have become a common part and parcel of our lives. Nothing is perfect in the world we live in, but we all need to strive towards perfection.

When I failed in that exam, I thought that was the end of the world. I got so depressed that I could hardly eat, sleep or concentrate on anything. It was not my failure that was haunting me. Rather it was my outer environment (comments and criticisms from people) that was making my life horrible. I was ready to quit pursuing my higher studies. Finally it was my Mom who taught me about the dynamics of failure and how to deal with it. With her golden words and working on them I am here where I am today.

Reasons of Failure:

  • Lack of motivation: This is one of the major reasons of failure in life. We often do things under the pressure of someone or something. This buffer may push us towards our goal but in between this motivation fades of. This is because when you do something without your intrinsic or internal motivation, the spark would obviously extinguish one day. Other than this, sometimes a sedentary lifestyle, absence of a goal in life, health factors, situational demands, mild depression or profound stress and anxiety can also curb your motivation levels.

Tip: Try to love what you are doing. Try to have a definite goal in life and work to achieve that goal no matter what, but in an ethical manner.

  • Lack of perseverance: More than 99% of the people fail in their lives because they stop trying or do not try at all. If you are doing the same thing, it is high time to change your thinking process regarding this. Success is not something that will come to you overnight. You need to work for it and deserve it first. If you start doing something and fail in it, do not stop trying. You may not know that after another trial you may have succeeded. So do not leave the battle ground of life’s challenges in between. Perseverance is the key to grab everything good and worth in life. Even if you have failed today, success will soon be yours but if you keep on trying and if you do not quit.
  • Faulty time management and planning: I have seen many people who complain that they failed because they did not have time. I say dude! You have a whole lot of 24 hrs in your hand, right? Many people just don’t know how to manage their lifestyle and time and finally end up getting doomed in almost everything they venture into. We will never have time for everything. If you want to do something we will have to take out time for it.

Tip: Try to make a time-table and stick to it. Do not be too harsh on yourself if you cannot adhere to it and do not make unrealistic, unattainable goals. Instead, keep it small, simple yet worthwhile. With small baby steps ahead you will climb highest summits of success one day.

  • Comparison: One mistake I did was I compared myself with others. I used to see what my friend did, how she read, what her strategies to read were and so on. In this muddle I messed up everything. My mind was seldom on my studies and kept on revolving and rotating around her.

Tip: Do not compare yourself with others. Try to recognize your own hidden potentials and nurture them. We may learn some good things from others. But, if we try to copy them we will lose our own identities and become like “Mimicry Apes”. I am sure you would not want to be like that. Therefore, try to respect yourself, harness you positive qualities and stop comparing yourself with others.

  • Lack of open-mindedness or open-minded thinking: All my life I wanted to become a Psychiatrist. But, I ended up being a Psychologist. I could not pursue Psychiatry because of financial concerns, lack of proper academic institutions in Psychiatry in my area and so on. Had I remained stubborn in my career aspirations, frankly speaking, I would not have landed anywhere. Like me, many people do the same mistake. They get stuck to only one dimension of a goal and close their eyes to other better options available.

Tip: Do not stick to a single option. There may be better choices or alternatives available. So, do not get stuck to a single entity. Be open-minded and develop a keen interest in everything.

  • Other reasons: Life sometimes takes unknown twists and turns and we are not always on the driver’s seat. Even after trying your level best, failure may still creep in. This is due to other invisible factors behind the scenes. Examples are: Someone plotting against you, situation not being favorable for you, and so on.

How to deal with failure:

When failure strikes you hard, it is obvious to feel sad and dejected. However this is not the end of the world. You may have failed this time, but you never know success would be already standing at your doorstep. So gear up your inner and outer entities to embrace success with the following tips:

  • When you fail, do not take it negatively. Instead try to learn from it. Analyze what exactly went wrong and what led to your failure. When you know the loopholes that made you to fall down, you can certainly fill the gaps while trying again.
  • Do not give up or quit. As I said before, maximum people fail because they give up in between. Failure does not come to humiliate you or pull you backwards. Instead, it comes to test you a bit more. It comes to tell you that you have a lot of potentialities hidden inside. So this is high time when you recognize your potentials and show failure that you can also succeed.
  • Do not listen to the bad words or humiliations of others. They have no other work that’s why they taunt you with their negative words. But, this is again a relative term. Some people taunt you deliberately because they wanna buck you up, lift up you spirits high and tempt you to fight back with even more force and fierceness. So this completely depends on your understanding and rational thinking. I would suggest you to do “selective listening” in such situations. Listen to those words you like or that would help you to succeed and put all other filthy words in the dust-bin.
  • Pave away negative thinking and make way for positive ones. I know how it feels to face failure and all the heart-churning experiences that come with it. That’s why I won’t tell you to stop thinking negatively. But, do not let it linger for a long time. You cannot move ahead unless you leave your past. The more time you take to come out of a failure, the more productive time you would waste.

Failure is just a part of life. It is never going to define your life in total. So, when you fail do not let your efforts and agonies go in vain. Instead, learn to transform these into positive energies to fight back again and come out successful in life. Always remember that:

“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won’t happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”
― Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

The importance of a smile

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When I was a kid, I used to love being clicked for photographs. That was the only time that gave me opportunity to smile and laugh heartily. But, now I have become camera conscious. Thoughts of how will I look, will my photo be a good one, what will people think about me and many such thoughts race in my mind. I get stressed out and finally my picture goes into the dust-bin. Huh….smiling is a tough job for grown ups like us, right? Indeed great was the childhood where we needed no reason to chuckle and giggle. But now, life’s stressors, pressures, frustrations, anxieties, etc have in a way stitched our mouths shut. Even a simple task like smiling becomes a Herculean work to accomplish.

Do you know why this happens? I mean why do we get transformed from smiling “Laughing Buddhas” to “A Grumpy Looking Person”? I know some of you will say it’s because of so much pain and struggles we have to go through in our lives. Some of you will even say that life has stolen away your reason to smile. I agree. These are normally responses of everyone in this weary-dreary world. However, do you know there is still a way out and there is a way to fill your life with the sweetness of smiles yet again?

The answer lies within us. We have to go through the phase which we have already covered…i.e our childhood. Yes folks! The way children think, resolve issues, develop personality-problem solving skills-values have greater clues in which we can deal with our day to day problems and snatch our smiles back. Have you seen a child trying to crawl or stand up? Have you seen a child struggling hard to start walking, stack playing cups or learning new verbal skills? Can you decipher what power pushes children to accomplish tasks no matter how easy or difficult they are? Let me tell you:

The power that makes children so different and unique than adults is the power of genuineness. Innocence, purity, positivity, determination, dedication, perseverance, discipline, interest and incessant trying are some of the sterling qualities of children that keep them away from all negativities of life and accomplish their goals. While walking through the ups and downs of life we compromise with our purity, innocence and positivity isn’t it? Can you remember how many times you failed in something and gave up just because of the fact that it was very difficult and beyond your reach? Look around your inner self and outer self. Can you bet and say that it is not in a mess? So did you get the answer as to why our capacity to smile is gradually fading off?

The answer is quite obvious. I have chalked out a checklist for the answers. Just check it out below:

  • We over-expect and generalize things
  • We get anxious about most of the things and often dwindle in negative thinking
  • When something goes wrong we easily lose our patience and react negatively
  • When we fail in something we resort to numerous defenses for consoling our ego rather than accepting the failure.
  • If something goes wrong we point it towards others rather than holding ourselves accountable for it.
  • We give up so easily.
  • When situations become unfavorable we do not step back in telling lies or becoming dishonest.

Like these many happenings around us just sweep us away from our ideals and values. And the more we get swept away from our ideal selves, the more our problems increase and the more we frown. They strike us like vicious circles one after the other. For example: If you tell lies that you got an A grade in Maths, when the Maths Paper is given to you for your parents’ signature, either you will have to do it by yourself or tell more lies to your parents. The cycle goes on and on one after the other. I am not saying that honesty, patience, perseverance, determination will make things easy. But, I can bet that it will resolve many things. These qualities will help you get refined to the core of your entities. These values may seem difficult to follow. However, if followed they will land you in a wonderful plane of happiness, moral values, success, health and overall well-being.

The next time you get tied up in the shackles of pain, stress, frustrations and negativities….don’t react. Just stop for some time, take a deep breathe and SMILE. It may not change the situation but it will change your mood to change the situation. Do not think like a stubborn adult. Instead think like a curious child, chuckle when you fall down and celebrate when you accomplish something. Hold on to your positive values even in the stormy nights of life. Your values may not bring instant happiness but will surely give you the courage to colour your own sunshine in your life.

Life is just for one, with so many possibilities. If you fill it with negativities and hopelessness you can never see the golden opportunities in front of you. So the first step to see an opportunity and work on it is to SMILE. If you have read this post and still you are not smiling, then one tip: Stand in front of the mirror and make your face grumpy/angry/irritable – you will be the first person to roll on the floor laughing by seeing how bad you look with that frown on your face!

Best Wishes,

Sareeta