Monthly Archives: December 2013

How to Survive a Panic Attack

Panic attack

Panic attack

A panic attack is certainly not welcome. Once it comes it takes a toll on you and makes your life horrible. Though it only lasts for a few moments, these moments can become the most difficult moments of your life. That is why it is very necessary to know about some major techniques to prevent and manage panic attacks. If you are someone who wants to know more about panic attacks, who is suffering from it or who’s loved one is struggling with it…then this blog post is meant for you.

A panic attack is a sudden onset of intense anxiety and panic episode. It is often accompanied by high anxiety levels and physiological problems like palpitations, shortness of breathe and nervous breakdown, trembling, shaking, etc. Whenever it strikes, it can be too overwhelming to handle. Here are some important proactive tips on how to  prevent or deal with panic attacks:

  •  An early diagnosis and timely treatment can help a lot in developing a chronic panic attack. When you start feeling overly anxious over a long period of time or if you feel panicky over small things, do not neglect it. Seek the help of a psychiatrist or a psychologist as soon as possible.
  •  Do not let your potential problems overpower you. Of course, there are times when situations become too hard to bear. This is quite natural and happens with almost everyone. When you face such situations in life, try not to freak out. Try to stay as calm as possible. Take your own time to come over it. Do not leave it remain unresolved since the same issue or similar issue may keep on haunting you over and over again.
  •  Maintain healthy eating habits, exercise regime and lifestyle. A daily workout, walk, balanced diet, meditation, massage, stress management, hobbies, relaxation can go a long way in helping you prevent or manage panic attacks.
  •  Yoga, meditation, massage, alternative therapies (color therapy, aroma therapy, etc), music therapy, breathing exercises can help a lot in this too.
  •  Try to abstain from alcohol and drugs as much as possible. If that is not possible then, try taking alcohol within the safe drinking limits.
  •  Certain medicines lead to anxiety and panic attacks. So whenever you get any medical condition, do not self-medicate or resort to taking over-the-counter pills. Always consult a doctor for your ailments and also remember to enquire about its possible side-effects. It is always wise to share all your problems, allergies in detail with your Doctor.
  •  Journal writing (diary writing), time management, proper planning and execution of work or things, staying in a clean environment are also important to avoid unnecessary anxiety and panic attack.
  •  Do not run away from your fears or problems. Always learn to accept your weaknesses and celebrate your strengths. Try to challenge your weaknesses, face your fears and tackle your problems strongly. Believe in yourself and your potentialities. There is no problem without a solution. You just need to strike it off in the right manner and at the right time. So rather than fearing the problem, avoiding it or crying over it, learn to resolve it positively and effectively.

What to do during a panic attack:

  1. Loosen all tight clothing first.
  2. Try to go to an open place where you can have plenty of fresh air.
  3. Take deep breaths again and again.
  4. Have a list of phone numbers (family, friends or relatives, doctor, ambulance, etc), as emergency numbers whom you or people around you can easily and quickly contact.
  5. Try to distract your mind from the attack to some other positive thought. Doing this can be next to impossible during an attack. But, if you force or push yourself to do this, you will yourself see the positive change.
  6. If you are on medication, then always keep your medicines ready with you as a SOS help during distressing times.
  7. See a therapist as soon as you can.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks can be managed properly if you are well-informed about them and if you know the right things to do under the influence of an anxiety or panic episode.

Stay healthy and stay safe!

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

Self-acceptance: How much do you love and accept yourself?

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How do you see and rate yourself? Do you always lament on being too fat or skinny, old or unattractive, dark and shabby? Do the beauty, happiness and success of others make you develop envy towards them? In my teenage years I always used to feel bad for myself. I was not able to accept myself the way I was or with what all I had. Gradually, I started getting easily disappointed and discouraged over small things. The way I saw myself became worse and worse day by day. People made fun of me, my friends used to tease me, my grades suffered; everything went into a topsy-turvy mode. One fine day I realized that self-acceptance is so important in life. The one who changed my perspective was a short, skinny lady who was a magnificent classical dancer. She was also very successful in that field. I thought that if she can make it to the top by having physical features like this, then why can’t I? Some other people who also greatly influenced me were a female Deputy Audit General who was short statured like me, a handicapped man who got selected in a National Level Talent Competition, a blind music teacher playing the Harmonium (a musical instrument like Piano) and so on. By seeing them excel in their respective fields I thought if they can accomplish so much even with their deformities then why can’t I? These people really changed my mind.

I realized that unless and until we change our mind-sets towards ourselves, even surviving in this world can get so difficult. No matter how good-looking or successful we are; some people will always make us feel bad about ourselves and pull us back. Moreover, manifold trials and tribulations, challenges and setbacks in life also push us into a deep trench of self-doubt and lack of confidence of ourselves.

Self-acceptance is the key factor that boosts our confidence and motivation levels, personality shaping, thought and behavior patterns and all-round development. No matter who you are, how you look, what are the situations you are in, what people say you…do not fall back in loving yourself, in accepting yourself and in believing in the fact that you are unique and no one else can take your place in the whole world. Here are some motivating lines that will take you some miles closer to self-acceptance:

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” – Lao Tzu

Self-acceptance can be developed in many ways. Some are easy techniques that you can find and use in your daily lives too:

1)    Mirror Therapy:

Every morning after getting up from bed, look into the mirror and say good/positive things for yourself. This is a form of self-affirmation. Starting your day with good, motivating and inspiring words towards yourself will charge you up for the day; it will boost your confidence and take you a step closer towards self-acceptance.

2)    Revisiting your inner self:

Of course by now you must be having self-knowledge. You may define yourself as someone’s family member, relative, working personnel for some company and so on. But, how much time do you spend in recognizing who you are and your inner self? The more you recognize your inner self, you inner beauty, latent talent-values-virtues…the more easy and vibrant self-acceptance will be.

3)    Journaling:

If you are already doing this, then it’s great. But, if some of you don’t know what journaling is then I would like to say that journaling is like diary-writing. You can do this before going to bed at night/after your day’s work is over. In the journal you need to write about the significant happenings for the day, how you felt and what it taught you about yourself. At the end you can make new resolutions or new goals for the next day or situation.

4)    Challenge yourself:

We all like to work and stay within our comfort zones and cocoons. But, sometimes it is good to get off-board and challenge ourselves. When you challenge yourself and go an extra edge to accomplish something you will learn a lot about your hidden potentialities and capabilities. So, never fear to challenge yourself or face a challenging situation. Beyond every fear, there is a new realization, a new learning and a new achievement.

5)    Pamper Yourself:

In the rush and hustle-bustle of working and living for others, we often tend to live for ourselves and pamper ourselves. So whenever you can, steal some time for yourself and pamper yourself. Celebrate even a small success of yours and celebrate your being on this Earth.

So folks, from now on learn to walk towards you. Remember that rather than any other person first you should be your best friend, best lover, best guide and the best support system.

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. Your really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

OCD: Prevention, Management and Treatment Procedures

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Hi all! Hope you have read my previous blog post  “OCD: An Overview”. Today we will learn on how OCD can be prevented, managed and treated.  Let us see the various ways in which OCD can be prevented:

OCD Prevention

  • Learn good coping skills to different life transitions
  • Maintain a good lifestyle, balanced diet and exercise regime
  • Take things with ease, in a cool and composed manner. Do not get overly stressed out or too much anxious on things and situations
  • De-stressing exercises, anti-anxiety exercises, meditation, mindfulness meditation, hobbies, walking, socializing are some of the good ways of keeping unnecessary and unwanted thoughts at bay.
  • Routine health check-up of oneself and family
  • Living a moment/day at once and not getting worried about the future/unknown
  • Abstinence from too much alcohol etc
  • A healthy balance of physical, mental and social life.

It is normal to wash hands if they are dirty, it is normal to double-check door locks and electric switches…but if you tend to overdo it again and again, then it can paralyze your daily life-functioning. The major problem in OCD is to break free from the shackles of compulsions. Paying heed to the orders of obsessions and doing compulsions repetitively can crumple your energy levels, physiological functioning, mental equilibrium, social life and your life as a whole. That is why it is very important to recognize OCD and take proper treatment for it right from its very inception. Following are some of the management and treatment techniques used for OCD. They are best effective when imparted by a mental health practitioner. Once you start the treatment regime for OCD under the supervision of your mental health professional, then you can start with some self-help techniques too.

Treatment Interventions in OCD

  • Cognitive Behavior Therapy: The best therapy technique for OCD by far. You can opt for CBT in a face-to-face setting or on a virtual basis too. If you are a working professional, stay in a remote area, want to avoid unnecessary discomfort of traveling then you can opt for online/virtual CBT. CBT helps you with reconstruction of adaptive forms of thinking and behavior. It works in an all-round way.
  • Cognitive Therapy: Cognitive therapy is also a widely used technique. It is effective in mild to moderate levels of OCD.
  • ERP or Exposure and Response Prevention: This is like a switch on-off technique. In this form of therapy your therapist would expose you to the source of your obsession repeatedly and you would need to refrain or abstain from your compulsion/compulsive act.
  • Pharmacological Interventions: In some cases pharmacological treatment or medications are also necessary. Usually anti-anxiety and anti-obsessional medications are prescribed after in-depth symptom evaluation, assessment and diagnosis.
  • Milieu Therapy: It is a form of group therapy. It is done in group settings only after your consent.

If you know what to do in the right way and at the right time then neither OCD nor any other ailment can bother you and hinder your healthy living. So keep yourself calm, cool and composed; psycho-educate yourself and march forward in each and every step of your life.

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

OCD – an overview of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

OCD - an overview

If you are someone who is constantly checking switches, cylinder knob, door locks; washing hands and feet over and over again for fear of contamination; or if you do a ritualistic behavior for a certain number of times…then this blog post is for you. OCD, the full-form of this acronym is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It is an anxiety disorder in which repetitive obsessive thoughts compel you to do repetitive behavior, termed as compulsion. The medical definition of OCD is: “a psychoneurotic disorder in which the patient is beset with obsessions or compulsions or both and suffers extreme anxiety or depression through failure to think the obsessive thoughts or perform the compelling acts.”

OCD starts with a small anxiety then slowly and slowly it intensifies and interferes in your daily life functioning. For some, the ritualistic behaviors become so automated that they don’t even realize that they have OCD. Following are some of the core signs and symptoms of OCD:

Obsessions Compulsions
Feelings of fear and apprehension that something might go wrong Getting compelled to perform certain ritual behaviors to avoid the things from going wrong
Fear of contamination from germs, other people, diseases, etc Constantly washing hands, checking door locks, etc
Constant fear of harming self and others Excessively checking for one’s safety and safety of near and dear ones
Getting highly superstitious and under the influence of blind beliefs Performing ritual behaviors again and again, many times a day
Excessive striving for order, symmetry and perfection Keeping things in perfect order, getting anxious or reacting even in a slight deviation in things

For some people OCD can be a minor case to handle but for some it is a very hard issue to handle on an everyday basis. It literally churns you to the core. The frustration of performing the compulsions is very grueling. The worst sufferers are the persons themselves and their care-takers too. OCD can arise due to genetic factors, situational variants, neurochemical disturbances in the brain, faulty coping to life’s stressors and pressures and so on. There are certain categories of OCD behaviors. They are as follows:

  • Washers: Constantly wash or clean their hands/legs for fear of contamination.
  • Checkers: Keep on double checking, rechecking doors, locks, switches, etc for fear of impending danger.
  • Doubters: Keep on doubting whether or not everything is OK. If not, they can go to any limits to make everything OK.
  • Sinners: They fear that they will be punished if something goes wrong.
  • Arrangers: Keeping everything in a well-arranged manner, in certain numbers or unique patterns are the main characteristics of arrangers. If something goes amiss in the arrangement they will keep on arranging things over and over again.
  • Perfectionists: They strive for perfection in anything and everything.
  • Hoarders: Hoarders never throw anything. They fear that if they throw away certain things then something bad will happen.

So folks from the above examples it is quite obvious that the root of OCD is anxiety. If this basic anxiety is rooted out from the thoughts then more than half of the battle against OCD will be won. If you or any of your near and dear ones experience OCD symptoms then please don’t ignore it. OCD can aggravate into more acute as well as chronic phases if not treated in a timely manner. Just don’t overlook it or take it carelessly.

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

Understanding Bipolar Disorder: Symptoms and Management

bipolar-symptoms

The world statistics states that approximately 1.0 – 1.2% of people experience bipolar disorder in their lifetime. Did you know? People who have bipolar can be very successful and creative. Want some proof? Some historians think that following people may have shown signs of bipolar disorder: Abraham Lincoln, Hans Christian Andersen, Theodore Roosevelt, Charles Dickens, Emily Dickinson, Sir Isaac Newton and Ludwig van Beethoven.

If you are not introduced to the word bipolar disorder yet, let me give you a short introduction to it. Bipolar Disorder is basically a mood disorder in which one experiences profound mood swings. It is called Bipolar as it oscillates between to poles of moods i.e Mania and Depression. The other names of bipolar disorder are Bipolar Affective Disorder, Manic Depressive Disorder or Manic – Depression.

Now that you know a lil’ bit about bipolar disorder can you remember seeing someone with it? Research reveals the prevalence rate of bipolar illness in men and women is somewhat similar. Bipolar often starts with simpe mood swings turning into major bipolar episodes if left unattended or untreated. Bipolar Disorder is of 3 major types:

  • Bipolar I Disorder: It comprises of rapid cycling episodes between mania and depression.
  • Bipolar II Disorder: In this type of bipolar depression is the primary symptom with mild episodes of mania.
  • Bipolar III Disorder: This is characterized by major manic episodes with mild depression in between.

Now let me tell you the difference between Mania and Depression:

Mania Depression
Highly energetic state Low energy levels
Decreased need for sleep or sleeplessness Increased need for sleep
Hypervigilance, spending too much, too much talkative, hyperactive Slow, sluggish, hopelessness, helplessness, hypoactive
Unstable relationships, engages more in pleasurable activities Tries to escape from social settings, lives more in isolation.

So these were some of the major differences between Mania and Depression. They also constitute the symptoms of Bipolar as well. The causes of bipolar can vary from genetic linkage, environmental factors, psychological factors, and evolutionary causes too. If you suspect bipolar disorder in someone, the best way is to direct him or her towards immediate treatment. The early it is diagnosed and treated, the better is its prognosis.

Management:

  • Psycho-education about bipolar illness
  • Psychotherapies: CBT, Behavior therapy, etc
  • Pharmacologic Interventions
  • Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) in acute and chronic cases
  • Other therapies like Group therapy, Support therapy, Milieu therapy, Light therapy and so on.

Prevention:

You can prevent bipolar disorder in the following ways:

  • Regular exercise, balanced diet
  • Healthy coping in different life situations
  • Effective stress management
  • Effective emotion and mood management
  • Abstinence from alcohol and drug abuse

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

Are You a Positive Thinker or a Negative Thinker?

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Everything in this world is a product of either positive or negative thinking. Folks, do you know that the way you think can influence the entire course of your life? Thought processes have strong consequences. The way we think, is the way we ultimately behave. And the way we behave, is the way we live.

I have seen many people who curse their destinies when something goes wrong. But, the truth is your destiny lies in your hand. It is all in your head, in the top floor of your entire being! Have you experienced a day when nothing goes right, and a day which is full of smiles and cheer? This may be because of situations on one hand but the main reason behind it how you think and react in different situations. Let me tell you a simple day-to-day example: Imagine you get up late in the morning and get irritated due to it. As the day started on an angry note, everything in that day will keep on pushing you towards negative thoughts. Even the slightest mistake by your partner or colleague will make you blast off. On the contrary, if you think positively in each and every situation, you will see how easily and efficiently you can handle things no matter how complicated they are.

Therefore, one thought gives rise to another and gradually several thought clouds start engulfing your mind. What will make the difference is whether they are filled with positive charges or negative thunder bolts. Now let’s see whether you are a positive or a negative thinker. I have written about the different thought and behavior habits of a positive vs negative thinker below. Match them and see where you stand and which path you need to take in future:

Positive Thinker Vs Negative Thinker

Outlook towards Life

Positive Thinker Negative Thinker
Positive thinkers are mostly optimistic Negative thinkers are mostly pessimistic
Positive thinkers see the glass as half-full Negative thinkers see the glass as half-empty
Positive thinkers are full of life and positive energies Negative thinkers lack vital energies and wellness factor
Positive thinkers are in control of situations Negative thinkers are dependent on situations

Planning and Decision-making

Positive Thinkers Negative Thinkers
Positive thinkers are good planners and decision-makers Negative thinkers often lack good planing and decision-making skills
Positive thinkers are optimistic about the future Negative thinkers are fearful about the future
Positive thinkers have faith and confidence on their decisions Negative thinkers usually depend on others for making decisions
Positive thinkers hold themselves accountable and responsible for their work Negative thinkers often hold others responsible and blame others if anything goes wrong

Basic Personality Traits

Positive Thinkers Negative Thinkers
Optimistic, energetic, truthful and genuine Pessimistic, sluggish and sloppy, resort to falsity and lack genuineness
Are good leaders Are basically good followers or moderators
Kind, compassionate, helpful and extroverted Dependent, timid, and introverted
Always healthy, easily flip back to good health if ill and can cope in any situation Always complain about everything, prone to helplessness, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, personality deficits and faulty coping mechanisms

It is the content of our thinking that makes and shapes our entire thought system, behavioral patterns and personality. Positive thinking has tremendous positive effects on your physical health, mental health, social interactions, professional life and in each and every nook and corner of your life. However, negative thinking can shove you in a hearth of ill-health, maladaptive behavior patterns, unstable relationships and overall chaos and disturbance in each and every facet of life.

So with a little thought shift from negativity to positivity your life can turn into a worthwhile journey of happiness, success, health and prosperity.

“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. That little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative”. – Robert Collier

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

How to de-stress your stress

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In the generic sense of the term, stress refers to “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.” Stress can victimize any one in any age group in any form. Our family, education, profession, environment, culture, society…anything can be the cause of stress.

Some facts about stress:

  • A little amount of stress is necessary for every living organism as it motivates it towards fruitful actions.
  • Stress is one of the most common mental health problem found in almost every age group.
  • Stress is of 4 basic types: Eustress, Distress, Hyperstress and Hypostress.

Stress

How to De-stress your Stress:

Stress and depression are considered to be the “common cold” of mental health issues. As in, they are very common. With a little effort, stress can be managed and rooted out. Here are some of the effective and easy ways of dealing with stress:

  1. Psycho-education on Stress: First get to know what stress is, and then educate or build insight on what is causing the stress.
  2. Motivation: Before starting to de-stress yourself, you need to be motivated enough. Try reflecting on why you would need to lead a stress-free life and how important it is to root out stress from your life.
  3. Deep Breathing: Stress brings a lot of physical discomfort and mental tension with itself. Deep breathing helps a lot to stabilize these conditions up to a remarkable extent.
  4. Behavior therapy or Behavior Charting: Try to chalk out or chart out the key factors that may be causing or aggravating stress. Sometimes the buffer circuits to your stress lies within yourself only. So try to recognize and change any maladaptive behavior within yourself that would be catering to stress.
  5. Thought Restructuring: Negative thinking, fearful thoughts, etc are some of the common culprits leading to stress. So try to fill your thought clouds with more positive charges.
  6. Affirmations: Giving yourself positive self-affirmations.
  7. Meditation: One of the most effective ways of dealing with stress. It re-energizes your body, mind and refines your soul.
  8. Music therapy: Listening to music or singing your favorite tune, playing a musical instrument or hearing the sounds of nature…Music can be amazingly effective in stress reduction.
  9. Massage therapy: Pampering yourself with a Swedish massage, Sihastu Massage or simply self-massage can de-stress you to a maximum extent.
  10. Other techniques: Walking, hobbies, pets, journaling, socializing, and so on.

Stress is not what happens to us.
It’s our response TO what happens.
And RESPONSE is something we can choose.
– Maureen Killoran

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

 

Nature’s healing power

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When I used to work as a counselor for People Living with HIV/AIDS (PLHIVs), my work was very challenging. Day in and day out my working hours were filled with seeing affected people, watching adults and children die of AIDS, counseling the affected ones and their care-givers, and at the same time I had my own office-related challenging work, seminars, documentations, and so on. Well, the work was endless as well as both physically and emotionally straining. Close to my office was a sea shore. The shore was a rocky one and I could see strong waves lashing the rocks from dawn to dusk. Watching that scene empowered me a lot. Do you know what I used to think? One should be as strong as those rocks. No matter how hard the wave of a challenging situation strikes, we should have all the gut to face it, tear it into pieces and stand strong!

This reflects how helpful and nurturing, empowering and motivating Mother Nature can be for me, for you and for everyone dwelling on this planet. It is true that you may be engrossed or grueling in your daily routine work, personal life, profession, education and so on. But, if you sneak out into the lap of nature for some time…you can find great relief from the stressors and pressures you are facing. All you need is the senses to sense it and wisdom to understand and reflect upon it. Here is how nature acts as a natural healer for different mental health problems and agonies:

Nature of Therapy Source Benefits
 Music Therapy Chirping birds, sounds of waves, purling rivers, hustling ‘n’ bustling leaves, sound of a waterfall, drizzling rain, etc Mental peace and solace, meditative benefits, concentration and memory, helpful in dealing with stress and depression
Color Therapy Colors of lush green trees, grasslands, flowers, fauna, rainbow, changing hues of the sky etc Aesthetic sense, visual perception, de-stress therapy, mood stabilizer, concentration, memory, and helps in depression, anxiety and fears
Aroma Therapy  Fragrances of flowers, wet soil, etc Uplifting moods, stabilizing power, overall sense of health and wellbeing

Besides these, Mother Nature adds much more to our life as a whole in the form of:

  •     Creativity
  •     Abstract thinking
  •     Motivation and Inspiration
  •     Development of self-concept
  •     Reflection and philosophical thinking
  •     Wisdom
  •     Attention, memory, concentration
  •     Decision-making and other complex cognitive skills

You can use the healing elements of nature either in an active form (going to natural places and experiencing them) or in a passive form (through audio-visual aids). Each and every form has its own effect and significance.

Some people laugh at me when I say that nature can heal. They just don’t seem to believe it. All they believe is pills and therapies. I always ask them one question: “Have you seen an animal pop a pill and get well? Have you seen them sick most of the time?” Animals do not have hospitals or health centers as such. Their only hospital is Mother Nature. We don’t believe in it because either we don’t have time to explore and experience its therapeutic effects or we are fixated with our own one-way mode of thinking. So folks, the day you start believing in the healing capacity and motivating potential of Nature…your world will change.

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature — the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” ― Rachel Carson, the book Silent Spring

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

Discover the True Essence of Marriage

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Marriage, or a relationship, is built on the backbone of the three pivotal aspects; Mutual TrustMutual Respect and understanding and Mutual Cooperation. If any one of these gets disturbed then the entire spirit and essence of marriage gets disturbed too. These qualities need to be developed and nurtured within every individual who wants his/her marriage to be an eternal journey. Let us see how each of these aspects can be cultivated in a marital relationship:

Mutual trust

If you want to be trusted, learn to trust first. It is as simple as that. In order to build trust in your marriage, you need to be each other’s friends first. A friend with whom you can share even your wildest and weirdest experiences and thoughts without any inhibition. I have seen this rarely present in couples. The greatest mistake they do here is they become judgmental instead of being genuine towards each other. If you become judgmental then obviously your partner may not feel comfortable in sharing his/her thoughts with you. And when inhibitions peep out in marriage, this becomes the first step of breach of trust. Even if we have our own ugly sides, love, affection, understanding and trust can make us beautiful and bright. It’s a matter of giving a chance to your marital relationship before breaking it into pieces.

Tip: When your partner shares something with you, try to see it in a genuine and non-judgmental manner. If you cannot do so, then try to step in your partner’s shoes and see things and situations from his/her perspective. This will foster a better understanding and act as a buffer to nurture the greatest virtue of trust in your marital relationship.

When you feel an urge to breach trust, try to visualize how you would feel if your counterpart or life partner breaks your trust? You would not want that to happen to you, right?

Mutual Respect and understanding

The best way to achieve this is to treat your beloved spouse in the way you want to be respected and understood. All of us have our own imperfection, differences and incompetencies; “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences” (Dave Meurer). So if you look at the positive sides and qualities rather than breaking your head on the negative qualities then mutual respect and understanding will shine automatically in your marriage.

Tip: Try to be empathetic towards your partner. Everything that he/she is doing or feeling has a reason. Once you understand the reason it becomes much easier to accept, respect and understand.

Mutual Cooperation

How many of you believe that cooking, taking care of kids, cleaning dishes, washing clothes, moping, dusting, etc are a wife’s duties? While doing outside work, paying bills, fixing leaking taps, etc are the duties of the husband? Frankly speaking if you think like this, then forget about the word mutual cooperation. No work is gender-defined guys. In fact, if my husband does some household chores for me I give him an extra hug that day. 🙂 All of us get churned in our day’s work. And we need someone to help us and support us. So bifurcating between duties and work within a couple will worsen the situations and make life boring, overwhelming and unbearable.

I came across a couple in my Clinic. The husband had a lot of complaints against his wife. He always said that “My wife is lazy, she is always at home and she is a housewife”. I asked him, “What do you do all day? As in, what is your daily routine like?” He said: “ I get up at 8-8:30 in the morning, do my routine activities, get ready for the office, have breakfast, leave for the office, come back in the evening, watch TV, have supper and go to sleep by 10 PM”. Then I asked what does your wife do? He answered: “Oh my wife is a house wife. She gets up at 5 in the morning, finishes her routine work, cleans the house, washes dishes, prepares breakfast for the family, prepares the kids for school, drops them at school and picks them up after school, in between she prepares lunch for the family, washes clothes, irons it, takes care of the kids, helps them in their studies, attends guest, then she prepares supper for all of us, completes the day’s work, makes the kids to sleep and she sleeps by midnight”….After the husband narrated all these, he himself burst into tears! There was nothing for me to do or say. He himself realized about the importance of his wife when he paid close attention to her part of the world.

Tip: Share your work and duties together. That will divide and subtract the labor and time as well as multiply your love and cooperation.

How to make your marriage an everlasting bond of love, affection and belongingness

Remembering and practicing the 3R Technique will help you add magical effect to your marriage. They are:

1)    Recognizing Recognizing and understanding each other’s feelings, thoughts, problems and issues
2)    Reformation Trying to understand one’s own fallacies, misconceptions and trying to rectify it
3)    Reconciliation Solving problems as a team and resolving issues in a non-judgmental, genuine and honest manner

Marriage is one of the strongest bonds on the Earth. A successful marriage is not only a boon for the couple itself, but each and everyone related to it. However, if a marriage becomes unsuccessful for some reason or the other, it destroys everyone related to it or coming in its way. When you feel that your marriage is falling apart, it is high time to reflect back without wasting much time. Reflect on the way you waited for the D-Day, how you felt when you exchanged marriage vows with your spouse, the good times you spent, when and where things started falling apart and how both of you can join hands to enkindle your love and add magic to your marriage yet again.

“When there is love in a marriage, there is harmony in the home; when there is harmony in the home, there is contentment in the community; when there is contentment in the community, there is prosperity in the nation; when there is prosperity in the nation, there is peace in the world.” – Chinese Proverb

Best Wishes,

Sareeta

Committing in a relationship: When to say “yes”

love

Love, infatuation, lust and crush…feelings for someone can manifest itself in manifold ways. There is no age bar in love and relationships. In fact, the cupid can strike at any time. But, falling for the right person at the right time is most important. When a relationship is started at the right time and with the right person, it adds a new meaning to your life and makes it worthwhile. However, if it moves along the track of infatuation, crush, lust and heart-break…it never materializes. It not only deteriorates your physical and mental health, but also leaves a life-long scar in your life.

Bellow are some of the ways to identify true love, commit at the right time, enjoy a fulfilling love life and build a worthwhile relationship:

  1. Never make haste in starting a relationship. Just because you need someone in your life, or your friend is having a partner does not mean that you will also rush in the same direction. The person who is truly, wholly and solely made for you will surely step into your life when the time is ripe.
  2. Often we forget all other things when we think about starting a relationship. We forget about ourselves, our family, society, studies, profession, etc. But, this is not the way. Love and relationship is important. However, equally important are other facets of your life too.
  3. Do not judge a book by its cover. As in don’t fall for someone just because of his/her stunning looks, cool personality, etc. Relationship is a deeper emotion. More than the face, it’s the heart that matters.
  4. Before searching for love, gain an insight about yourself whether you are ready to deserve it or not. Some people cannot tolerate rejection. They often blame the other person. However, they forget that there must be something in their ownselves that would be requiring fine-tuning and refinement.
  5. When you see someone and start feeling for him/her, try to visualize how your life with him/her will be after 5-6 years from now. Is it worth it after all?
  6. Compatibility, trust, ability to take responsibility and respect…are some of the key words that should be kept in mind before committing in a relationship. Do you have these qualities or can you find these qualities in your partner-to-be? These questions should be asked numerous times because it is ultimately your life.
  7. If anything does not work out, how strong are you to handle a heart-break? You should be prepared for either positive or negative answer. Do not feel bad if you are confronted with rejection. Because you deserve a better person who will understand you even better.
  8. Where teenage is considered as the gateway to infatuations and crush, adulthood is considered to be the gateway to a more matured love. So, sometimes giving yourself ample time also lands you in front of the perfect person made for you.

Love is a pure emotion with deeper implications in life. It uplifts you; it refines you and builds you as a better person. If you fall in love and find yourself getting doomed in physical attractions, unnecessary tensions, mental pressure, stress, etc…then it’s not love, somewhere and something is wrong in it.

Its said that love is blind. But, I believe that Love has an inner eye that understands you and embraces you with the deepest emotion and precision.

Best Wishes,

Sareeta