Dealing with Family Drama During the Holidays

The holiday season often conjures up images of fun, good food, parties, gifts and quality time with people we’re close to. Maybe we think about sitting around a log fire sharing good conversations, jokes and anecdotes with those we love. But what happens if our family is a challenge instead of a source of joy for us? Or if there are tensions between its members? Or, if instead of really wanting to spend time with our families we instead do so out of a sense of obligation? This side of the holiday experience isn’t discussed as often as the warm thoughts of seeing possibly distant relatives are. However, for many people family drama during the holiday season is a distinct reality.

Family drama during the holiday season can take many different guises. It might be that your aunt has never got along with your mother. Maybe old childhood rivalries get played out again. It could be that your parents keep treating you as if you’re still a child. Perhaps your grandmother constantly remembers that your brother dropped out of college before finishing his course. Or maybe already strained marital relationships become increasingly stressful. Whatever the reason for the family drama, it can make the holiday season feel like the most stressful time of year, leading to anticipation anxiety and even dread as the date gets closer.

What Does Family Drama During the Holiday Season Look Like?

The holiday season often conjures up images of fun, good food, parties, gifts, and quality time with people we’re close to. Maybe we think about sitting around a log fire sharing good conversations, jokes and anecdotes with those we love. But what happens if our family is a challenge instead of a source of joy for us? Or if there are tensions between its members? Or instead of wanting to spend time with our families we instead do so out of a sense of obligation? This side of the holiday experience isn’t discussed as often as the warm thoughts of seeing distant relatives are. However, for many people, family drama during the holiday season is a distinct reality.

Family drama during the holiday season can take many different guises. It might be that your aunt has never got along with your mother. Maybe old childhood rivalries get played out again. It could be that your parents keep treating you as if you’re still a child. Perhaps your grandmother constantly remembers that your brother dropped out of college before finishing his course. Or maybe already strained marital relationships become increasingly stressful. Whatever the reason for the family drama, it can make the holiday season feel like the most stressful time of year, leading to anticipation anxiety and even dread as the date gets closer.

However, for many people, family drama during the holiday season is a distinct reality.

Strategies to Deal with Family Drama

Although family stress at holiday time can feel overwhelming and anxiety-provoking, there are several steps you can take to help things run more smoothly. We can’t necessarily change the tensions within our family, but we can learn some strategies to support ourselves when we’re spending time with them. Here are some ideas for how to positively manage family drama during the holiday season and come away feeling happier:

  1. Consider Personal Boundaries in Advance

Take some time to consider what feels good for you and what doesn’t when you’re with your family. For instance, perhaps you’re vegan and don’t want to sit near the meat selection at dinner. Or maybe you’d rather not share a room with the sister you don’t get along with. Once you’ve thought about what your boundaries might be, you can use them to direct your decisions during the festivities.  Try communicating your boundaries with those you’re spending time with. It’s OK to be flexible with your boundaries, if you want to, as the visits progress but check in with yourself to make sure that you feel alright about making modifications.

  1. Take Care with What You Eat and Drink

The holiday season usually involves a greater quantity of rich or sugary food than usual.  Alcohol may also play a role in some families. If there are already tensions within the family, then over-indulgence can exaggerate these.  It can also decrease our ability to deal mindfully with any conflict that may arise. Despite the temptation to indulge, if you’re aware that family drama is likely, it’s a good idea to moderate your food and drink consumption. If you’re following an alcohol reduction program, then speak with your counsellor or mentor before the holiday season and develop a plan during this time.

  1. Allow Yourself Some Time Out

Just because we’re visiting or hosting relatives it doesn’t mean we have to be with them 24/7. It’s a good idea to plan some activities that you can do away from the bigger group if you’re going to be spending a long period of time together. If you’re just with family for the day, then remember you can take breaks.  It’s OK to go for a walk, listen to some music on headphones for a while, or find a quiet spot to practice some breathing techniques. The space you take for yourself will allow you to recharge and cope better with any challenges when you return. You could encourage your relatives to also take some time out if they need to.

  1. Focus on the Positives

When we know that our family gatherings can be full of drama and difficulties then it’s easy to worry about them for weeks in advance. We might start to get anxious about how to deal with a particular family member or dread the occasion altogether. If you notice yourself feeling this way, try to take the focus away from the difficult parts of spending time with your family.   Practice balancing out the negatives with finding the positives too. For example, maybe you don’t have a great relationship with a certain uncle but you always find it a pleasure to talk with your cousin. See if you can shift your attention to the things you’ll enjoy.

  1. You Don’t Have to Visit Your Family for the Holidays

It’s always important to remember that you don’t have to spend time with your family during the holidays. Sometimes family drama is just too much to get involved with and ruins our joy completely. If this is the case for you then consider whether or not you might prefer to have a quieter holiday season.  Or you might benefit from visiting friends instead.  You don’t always have to fulfill obligations or meet other people’s expectations.  Permit yourself to do what makes you happy during the holidays.

How Can Online-Therapy.com Help?

If you’ve tried some of these strategies previously and would like to explore managing family drama further, then Online-Therapy.com can help. By signing up with our program you can choose a therapist who will work with you to develop a personalized toolkit to support you with how to deal with family drama and to help you to create a happier holiday season. You can choose to have your therapy sessions by video, phone or text chat (couple counselling will be video only), making Online-Therapy.com a flexible and convenient option.

At Online-Therapy.com we offer an integrated and holistic package to enable you to feel at your best. Our approach includes regular sessions with your chosen therapist, unlimited messaging and worksheet support, journaling, and yoga. This ongoing support means that you have the daily expert guidance you need to make progress with taking the stress out of holiday times as soon as you sign up. Take a break from your family gathering, message your therapist for some vital support or practice some yoga.