Common signs and factors when having relationship problems
Since you and your partner first got together, have you noticed changes in your relationship that just do not seem right? Perhaps you have relationship problems you are not even fully aware of. Marriage and relationships can be stressful for both partners. Problems build up over time when emotions are not expressed and feelings are repressed. A healthy relationship is not something static. You need to work on it every day or else it will perish.
Here are some common factors that often lead to problems in a relationship:
All relationships that have problems suffer from poor communication. This also includes non-verbal communication like touching and hugging your partner. We are now too busy making updates on social forums like Facebook and often forget to talk to and reconnect with our own partner. The lack of interest and involvement increases distance in your relationship and you might not feel the connection that you once had with them. Communication strengthens the trust and the bonds that you have. Without communication, it is difficult for you to relate to your partner's difficulties at work etc.
Having intimacy in your relationship is key. The importance of regular, loving touch is not exclusive to newborn babies. We all need affectionate touching like hugging, kissing and holding hands. It is very common that one of you have a stronger sex drive than the other - especially when you have left the honeymoon phase. This can result in frustration due to the lack of sex. Be open about what you want and what you do not want, in order to find a way that satisfies both of you. See the intimacy as a way to reconnect with your partner.
A conflict regarding money often stems from different views on how you should be spending your household income. One of you might be a saver and one of you might be a spender. Having separate budgets and approaches to money and/or no real insight into your partner's financial situation (including debts) can be truly harmful for any relationship.
Are you the one that always cooks, does the laundry, the cleaning AND puts the kids to bed – even though you also have a full-time job like your partner? Fairly dividing the labor at home is key to staying away from recurring conflicts. You, therefore, need to agree on who is responsible for what in the home.
Not prioritizing the relationship/lack of quality time:
With work, meeting friends and everyday tasks like cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids, it is no wonder that most of us find it difficult to get quality time with our partner. Without the communication and the mutual understanding and respect, you are just digging a hole in your relationship that just gets deeper and deeper.
In a healthy relationship, you need to be able to speak your mind and not be afraid of conflicts. But to have the same conflict – in the same tone of voice – every single day is never going to lead to a long-term solution and a happy relationship. Screaming "you didn't do this!" or calling each other degrading names, just creates a vicious cycle of disrespectful accusations. Instead you need to learn to resolve the conflict with respect and love. You can never control your partner's behavior, but you can definitely change how you react and behave. And remember, you do not always have to be right!
Trust is key in a relationship and jealousy can really break a loving relationship. You might have trust issues due to previous events in your relationship or even from previous relationships. Trust can be about not feeling confident that your partner won't cheat on you. This type of insecurity always leads to jealousy and arguments in the relationship. But it can also be about that you are lacking trust in your partner when it comes to important decisions that affect both of you.
Infidelity is a sure way to create cracks in a relationship. Some of them can be healed, while others cannot. There is no golden rule that tells you what you should do if your partner has cheated on you. If you do decide to stay in the relationship, you cannot constantly bring up this episode of your relationship and make your partner feel guilty. Instead, you need to find a way to forgive and move on.
Some people do just fall out of love with each other and find new paths in life. However, if you are willing to work on your relationship, we are here to help you.
This relationship test is not to be seen as a final diagnosis. If you are uncertain about your result, we suggest that you get professional help as soon as possible.
If you are feeling suicidal
If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in immediate crisis, please contact your national emergency number or go to Befrienders Worldwide that offers crisis resources worldwide.