Category Archives: Anger Management

Emotional Ventilation: Necessity and Uses

Emotional VentilationIf your body does not express, your mind suffers in silence…

Human emotions are one of the most beautiful creations. Emotional articulation is an art and is an essential part of our lives. Emotions tend to add meaning and form to our feelings. Without them we would be like zombies or robots. The way you feel and express your emotions play a vital role in maintaining your physical and mental health. Emotional ventilation is the backbone of a healthy body, mind and spirit.

Do you tend to cocoon your emotions or allow a space for the ventilation of your emotions? If you are emotionally expressive then you are on the right track. But, if you tend to seclude your emotions, hide them away and do not feel comfortable in expressing them…then its high time your should express them. 16-year-old X (name changed) suffered from depression and anxiety attacks. He used to remain cocooned in his own world and never expressed his emotions. His peers called him “a dumb fellow” while his teachers were fed up with his emotional silence. No matter how hard he was provoked to express his emotions and feelings, he seldom brought his emotions to surface. Gradually, his grades started decreasing, he was despised and his peers left him. He remained closed in his own room for hours and days together. “Plastic Puzzle”, this is what Y (name changed) is called in her social circle. She is a 35 yeas old professional who lacks socialization skills. Though she is a wonderful human being and very talented. But, due to lack of emotional expression no one likes her in the group. Most of them consider her as being dumb and cranky.

Though many reasons pull a person back from ventilating his emotions, however, emotional shrouding has a lot of ill effects. Emotions are meant to be ventilated. That is why your eyes can cry with tears, your mouth can utter words; you can hear soothing words of concern with your ears.

Many factors refrain one from emotional ventilation. Some of them are:

  • Ineffective coping with emotional turmoil
  • Faulty parenting
  • Emotional instability
  • Cultural and group norms
  • Depression and apathy
  • Some clinical mental ailments
  • Physiological or neurological illnesses
  • Social causes
  • Considering emotional expression as a sign of weakness and so on

As I wrote in the starting lines of this blog, lack of emotional ventilation silently hurts you in many ways. The pent up emotions pile up and finally explode one day in the form of physiological and mental ailments like ulcers, migraine and headache, blood pressure problems, heart problems, depression, anxiety, stress, sometimes clinical mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, delusional disorders etc. Therefore, in order to be physically healthy and mentally sound, you should ventilate and express your emotions.

Emotional expression is a sign of good health and strength rather than weakness. There are numerous ways in which you can express your emotions in adaptive ways:

  • Accept and understand your emotions. Do not avoid them. Just take a deep breathe and feel them.
  • Talk to your friend or anyone whom you trust about the way you feel in different life situations.
  • Keep an emotion diary with you. Write about how you feel and what you learned from a given emotional situation.
  • Recognizing your emotion and listening to a music track related to the mood of the emotion also helps in ventilating it.
  • Paint your way to emotional expression. This will help in releasing pent up emotions and will boost creativity too.
  • If you are angry or aggressive try running on the beach, brisk walking or walking on the sand. This will help release the negative flow of impulsive energies.
  • Stay away from self-harm or negative thinking
  • Learn to adopt adaptive ways of emotional ventilation

Cry like a child, roll on the floor laughing, yell your lungs out and express yourself. There is no other relief and beauty than emotionally expressing yourself. Emotions make you feel lively and fresh.

Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” – Sigmund Freud

Best wishes,


Successful Anger Management Case Study – Inspirational Life Story

Successful Anger Management Case StudyHuman emotions are the wonderful aspects and assets of life. Without emotions, our life would be so mundane and colorless, isn’t it? Technically there are six basic emotions (viz. happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disgust and surprise), but in practical life we tend to experience innumerable hues and shades of emotions. In short, emotions are the colors that give expression and meaning to the entire fabric of your life.

Problems arise when emotions start controlling you, rather than you controlling your emotions. Among all the emotions that I said above, anger is the emotion that can have devastating effects on the person, people related to him and his surrounding as a whole. Anger not only harms your body and mind but is also a potential threat to the safety and emotional world of others. If not managed properly, anger leaves a deep imprint on you, your loved ones and the ones who became the innocent victim of your anger. Therefore, if you feel that your anger is puffing up and is getting out of control, then it is best to try and work on anger management.

People always think that there is a certain age for something; it is easy to change or transform oneself during the early years of life and so on. But, in real life it is not like that. If you are determined to achieve something, then you will get all the strength to achieve that irrespective of your age, ethnicity, gender, etc. Determination and perseverance are the two guiding stars that help man to cross the deepest seas and climb the mightiest mountains of life.

Let me tell you a true inspirational life story of Mr. X (Name changed) who made real progress in controlling his anger and also developed his own new anger management technique. I am proud to be his therapist. If you think that it is only in the earlier stages of life that we can make changes within ourselves, then let me tell you that at the age of 84, Mr. X groomed himself into a person who has greatly improved control over his anger and emotions. He is dynamic, he is filled with youthful energies and above all he is always ready to make positive changes in his life. During the formative years of his life, Mr. X was taught to bottle up his emotions and anger rather than understanding more about them or learning to cope with them effectively. In due course of his life he also confronted many difficult situations. This was not his fault. Each time you are angry, I guess most of the time you would have been also told to calm down or do something else. In worst case, may be you would have been spanked or shouted back for throwing your anger tantrums. This is natural. This happens in most of the households. But, sometimes we need to see things the other way round. When we start looking at things, people and situations through the lens of empathy, understanding and acceptance, the whole world changes within and around us. Mr. X did the same thing. Even if his anger issues were bothering him, he did not sit quietly. He stood up and worked towards anger management. First he tried to accept the fact that he has anger issues, then he started looking at things and situations with more patience and understanding and finally he worked hard to kick off anger out of his life.

Starting from relaxation techniques to realization and reformation… he did not leave a single leaf unturned. Even at this age he did it! Mr. X invented his own anger management technique. I would like to share his valuable words and techniques with you too. Here they are:

The “APOX “ Technique
A = Awareness that I am upset and then accepting it, and stop beating myself with a guilt trip about my feeling angry.
P = Pause: Count to 10, relax, short-circuit the automatic rage response by taking control of the situation.
O = Options: Think of various options I have to respond, what the consequences of each would be, then choose.
X = Express myself in the way I have chosen.

There! Having written it down, I feel better already.

So folks, controlling and dealing with anger is not impossible. If Mr. X could do it at the age of 84 then I think you all can do it too. I read somewhere that Anger and Danger are the same and have only one letter difference. Anger leads to danger. Therefore, do not let anger issues overpower you. If you or your loved ones are facing anger related problems then please try to put Mr. X’s techniques into action. You will surely gain relief. You can also get professional help by starting our online anger management program. We are eagerly waiting to help you deal with and eradicate your anger issues and potential problems.

Every emotion is necessary and obvious… so is anger too. But, everything depends on the depth and intensity of emotions, their expression and who controls whom…

My sincere gratitude to Mr. X who was a wonderful client, whose dedication towards life and change inspired me to spread his enlightening wisdom and determination everywhere.

Best wishes,


Anger Management: Different kinds of Anger


“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

– Aristotle

Have you ever experienced when you got literally cranky due to anger? Have you ever wanted to throw things or bang the door when you are angry? Do you shout or hurt yourself when anger outrages you? Well, these are some of the common signs of anger that we all face in our day-to-day lives. Each and every creature has an angry side that manifests when it is provoked. However, there is something that makes you different from the outraged animals. That is, logical reasoning power. As the above quote by Aristotle says – Anyone can become angry…yes folks! Anger is a basic emotion. So it is quite obvious for anyone to become angry for some reason or the other. However, anger is not always good for health and situations. I always say that “Anger and Danger go hand in hand”. Anger will reap beneficial results only when it is logically used within safe limits. Otherwise it spreads like a wild fire destroying anything and everything that comes in its way.

Do you know what causes anger or aggression within you? There are numerous theories given by psychologists, biologists, philosophers, etc on why we get angry. According to psychologists, anger is a basic emotion that is provoked due to your faulty coping skills, as defense mechanisms during anxiety or stress, in sensitive and anxiety-provoking situations and so on. Biologists say that anger is caused due to adrenaline hormone surge. Research has also shown that anger is also typical to a race, climatic condition and mind-set. In a nutshell, anger has many raison d’être to get provoked and expressed.

Sometimes anger is used for constructive purposes and sometimes anger tends to take a toll of life. Parents get angry to keep their children in control. This is an example of constructive anger. However, if you would end up in a war with your neighbor or classmate and badly hurt yourselves…this kind of anger is fatal. So friends let’s take a quick tour on what kind of anger you face in your day-to-day life or specific situations:

  1. Do you get easily angry on anyone or anything that triggered or caused your anger?
  2. Do you tend to shroud your feelings of anger with sarcasm or silence and do not want to confront the anger-causing agent?
  3. Rather than expressing your anger in a behavioural way, do you shout out loud or despise people or situations that make you angry?
  4. Do you get angry for constructive purposes in order to bring a positive change in something?
  5. Do you tend to punish yourself when you get angry? As in self-hurt?
  6. Is your anger like a bubble? Does it come out of the blue, gets expressed and then you become calm again? Is it so quick that sometimes it’s hard to notice?
  7. Are you just angry 24/7….at anything and everything?
  8. Is your anger directed towards making people feel low about them?
  9. Do you get angry when you can’t handle the stress, pressure, tensions around you?
  10. Is your anger a spontaneous reaction to the anger-causing event/person?
  11. Are you angry out of jealousy and hatred?
  12. Do you get deliberately angry to gain power over someone or some situation?

Hey friends, you just read about different kinds of anger. Yes, the word may be of only 5 alphabets, but it is of 12 different kinds! Now let me tell you the answers to your responses. The answers are in accordance to the numbers : 1) Behavioural anger 2) Passive anger 3) Verbal anger 4) Constructive anger 5) Self-inflicted 6) Volatile anger 7) Chronic anger 8) Judgmental anger 9) Overwhelmed anger 10) Retaliatory anger 11) Paranoid anger ; and 12) Deliberate anger.

Anger, in whatever form it may be is a negative emotion and targeted behaviour. If it is used wisely for beneficial purposes it reaps positive results. But, if anger is negatively directed then it leads to guilt, depression, harm to self and others, mental imbalance, psycho-physiological problems and many disastrous personal-social-economic hazards. Therefore, instead of becoming angry and wasting your precious energy, try to utilize that energy into a positive form that would lead to overall well-being and affirmative fruition. So recharge yourself for my upcoming post on how you can control your anger problems and give your emotions a healthy gateway of meaningful and fruitful expression. 🙂

A minute wasted in anger may cause a lifetime of problems. In the words of William Arthur Ward:

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”

Best Wishes,